


what we will say...

by weeping_lantanas



Category: Actually Stephen, DanPlan, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bittersweet, Comfort, Gen, Kinda angry, Let it all out, Letters, Not Beta Read, Not fiction, Self-Indulgent, Sorta sad, WHY DANIEL WHY, corrections/opinions welcome, i hurt, we all hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22140937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeping_lantanas/pseuds/weeping_lantanas
Summary: A series of letters written to the DanPlan members in the shadows of Stephen's absence. A small scrap of regret, hope, and love, left in the wake of Daniel and Stephen's fallout. May this bring you some semblance of peace.The views and opinions I share in this document will not necessarily be shared by all fans, though I do try to include the very best and very worst of all the opinions I have heard.What we will say in these letters is cheesy, self-indulgent, and ridden with a pesky little emotion called 'hope.'----The second part of these letters has been written after Jay and Stephen revealed the information regarding pay and respect when working with Dan. A drastic change in tone and mood is made. Hope teeters on the edge of a building, threatening to fall and never return.Isn't there anything we can do?----The LAST part of these letters was written after Daniel's first post since taking a break. Hope is all well and good, but we're past that stage. We're done with this, aren't we? (We are.)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 47





	1. To: Daniel. Hosuh. Stephen.

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this, I want to say that should your opinion clash with those which I have documented here, you are welcome to comment it, and I'll add it somewhere in the letters.

1.

A Letter To All

Hello Everyone,

I am a representative of the fans - or rather, the fanplan. Here I have compiled a maybe-too-cheesy, too naive, group of letters, written to the many DanPlan members in light of recent events. More specifically, Stephen quitting DanPlan.

This announcement is one that has rocked fans to their very cores - and it has been an event that many have, and will, react to very _very_ differently.

The views and opinions I share in this document will not necessarily be shared by all fans, though I do try to include the very best and very worst of all the opinions I have heard.

What we will say (or rather, 'I,' for these opinions in no way reflect the entirety of the fans, and is more synonymous to 'the people I have talked to about this and the many comments I have scrolled through,' which may not include everyone) in these letters is cheesy, self-indulgent, and ridden with a pesky little emotion called 'hope.'

We _hope_ , that you, too, are diseased with this feeling.

Without further ado...

2.

A Letter To Daniel

Our Beloved Dan,

We will start off with the strong, sure, and solid fact that we adore you(or - well, maybe not). You are an inspiration - a model to learn from, mistakes and pitfalls and unforgivables and all - and you are human. As much as any of us.

In the reflexive reaction of the mere two days that we have been informed of Stephen's mistreatment in DanPlan, many of us have stormed the comments, protesting for what we want to see in your YouTube channel. For what we want to see in you.

We may rally against you - say that we hope Hosuh leaves you, now that Stephen is gone. That you're a villain, and we won’t forgive you. That you took a friend for granted and should pay the price. That you are a snake, a disgusting, selfish human, and that we never really liked you. That your channel will fall without Stephen, the cornerstone of your content. That you should be alone.

Some of us will mean it. Some of us will not. Some of us will jump to your defense and some of us will remain neutral. _All of us_ are devastated.

Or, we will sob our regrets and passions and anger out onto you. We will lament what could have been, what was, what now is. Our questions will tear into your skin, maybe, or your heart. We will urge you to please, _please,_ ** _do something_**. Why won't you **_do something about this_**? Why aren't you trying to make this up? How could you leave this be, how could you do this? At the very least, we hope and pray that there will be peace between you all.

We don't want you to keep hurting. _We_ don't want to keep hurting.

But through it all, please, keep going. You will lose support. Your emails will be flooded, and your comments will be staggeringly angry. These are truths that you cannot avoid, as you know already. If you can find a way - any way - to rebuild yourself up from below the very foundations of your uprooted channel, there will be those of us who stand by you to help. But do _not_ take our support and encouragement for granted.

Learn from this experience, from our words which may hold their grains of truth, or perhaps are nothing more than the criticisms of resentful fans. Choose wisely what you take from here. Walk with strength and purpose. With humility and not arrogance, compassion and not sacrifice, and most especially with respect.

Do what is necessary, but not what is wrong. Say what you need, but not what will harm for harm’s sake. Listen when people scream, listen when they whisper. Their words reach out to you for a reason. Forge a path onward that you can be proud of. That _we_ can be proud of. 

Endure this with your friendships first and your business second, and be the leader that we see in you. Friendships are built on mutual, and ongoing, respect and trust. If you can do that, we - and others, as well - will be here for you.

We love you, or maybe hate you, with all our hearts, even if they are broken.

3.

A Letter To Hosuh

Our Treasured Hosuh,

You are a peacekeeper and a blessing. We are thankful and happy (so, so, happy) that you have been here, our rock-steady, dependent, lovable animator.

You have been a friend to all parties. The fans, Stephen, DanPlan. Your strength holds us together like glue. But even glue is no match for a sharp knife and something that does not wish to be held.

We feel terrible that you have had to walk the thin tightrope between two friends suffering a fallout. We feel awful that we cannot help. We only hope our words of regret, support, and encouragement will be enough.

You will be the one we ask for an explanation, in our disoriented, confused state of fear for what is next to come.

Some of us will say that you should leave DanPlan. Some will argue against it. No matter what we tell you, do what is good for _you_ , not us.

Take care of yourself. Don't overwork yourself. We know you tried your best to fix things, to keep the cogs in the clock functioning. As they say, all good things must come to an end.

We hope that you are well, that this doesn't take a toll too heavy on your health.

We send nothing but the best for hope and love and kindness.

Thank you, good luck, and we mend our loving hearts for you.

4.

A Letter To Stephen

Our Cherished Stephen,

Our favorite psychopath. Our huggable dumbass. Our vampire best boi.

We love you. You, the main cog in the entertainment segment of DanPlan, the cornerstone of the content, were the reason we laughed, and giggled, snorted and chuckled, and you were what kept us watching.

Many of us are speechless in the face of this decision, unsure of where to go next. You are moving on to greater things for yourself, and have our respect for this.

We will support you no matter what you choose next, though we will mourn this loss in something akin to, even if we know it is not so, a death.

Despite your wishes, many of us have and will fight tooth and nail against Daniel for what we see as 'right' - your point of view. Our words will be rage-filled and dripping in spite and trepidation for however much longer it will take for the dust left in the wake of this event to settle.

They will be cruel and harsh, and you may feel something like sadistic satisfaction and ore-heavy guilt sinking in your stomach. We will fight for you, for your right as a member, part of a family that has rejected you so coldly.

Although we may think we are helping you, you might not like what we say or do at all.

You deserved better than what you got, should be valued more than you were, and we respect you for seeing this and taking action on it. We love you and will miss you and support your future. We will champion you as you, hopefully, learn to walk with the ease and grace and confidence of someone who has moved on for themselves.

Some of us were worried already, seeing the previously two-inch wall of the future as the real 20-meter wall which you will have to climb. Your online character, as we're sure you're aware, already clashed deeply with your career trajectory - your comedic genius was something we admittedly may have taken for granted. But in all senses, we believe this choice was the best for you.

Or, maybe, we petulantly stomp our feet and cry our outrage for _why_ this had to happen. Why, why, why. Why couldn’t there have been a compromise? Why couldn’t people change? Why did this friendship have to fall apart? Why are we in pain, too?

Our words are scorching in their torment. But whatever we say, no matter how agonizing, we are looking forward to seeing you again soon. In your own skin, your own character, your own channel.

Our hearts ache and bleed, for we love you from their very depths.

Sincerely,

Your Fans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was completely self-indulgent.
> 
> In my personal opinion (which no one really asked for, I know) Daniel was a complete asshole and a bad leader - but we haven't really heard from him yet, either, so I'm giving him a chance to get his thoughts straight and explain himself.
> 
> I somehow feel like this whole thing was inevitable, even if in another timeline it was to a way smaller scale and dealt with in a better and more satisfying way for all parties involved. Yeah, Stephen's vid made me cry a lot and I'm a drama queen so... 
> 
> Remember - anything you want to add, comment or DM me on my instagram '_.amarxllis' and I'll add it in
> 
> Thank you for being here.


	2. To: Animators.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel’s actions. Stephen’s livestreams. Jay’s video. Hosuh's info.  
> Animators’ values.  
> This is wrong.

Dear All,

A series of letters, written to Daniel and the animation crew of DanPlan. We now have solid information from multiple sources. There have been videos made addressing this topic, shedding light on different opinions and possibilities already. 

I apologize if what I say here, in the next 2 letters that I have written, does not match your opinions. Feel free to disagree - and if you want to express your opinions to me, go ahead and comment. You may just sway my mind.

The disclaimer of ‘we’ to ‘the people I have talked to about this and watched videos on, and I’ still applies. 

I am clinging to the barest thread of hope. Perhaps you are faring better than I? 

\----------

Dear Animators,

From the get-go, we will tell you with the certainty of one who has experimented and analyzed and collected data for 10 years worth of information, your work is _important._ Your work is _the most important._

You are not paid your worth and we are _furious_ and we are _sorry_ because we cannot protect you from everything that is hurting you. Everything that is inhumane and disgusting and strangling. We want to protect you, we want to help, we want to give you everything you deserve that is good and kind and gentle and beautiful but we can’t. We are powerless.

Don’t let this be the end of you - we see the sparks of creativity and potential and ability that you have and it’s so _so bright._ You are so, _so bright._

There are people who want you - who are just and kind and humane in their methods, and you are better than the numbers that you have been labeled with. There are other jobs who want you - your skills are so impressive and wanted.

We may not feel your pain but we can empathize and what we feel is white-hot rage and cold, icy betrayal. There are futures in you that we can see potential in but DanPlan is not the place where those will come true.

The environment you are in is harmful to you, your mindset and mental health, your physical health, financial health, and your skills. It is one that facilitates isolation and desperation and fear but there are places out there that grow the opposite. 

Our anguish for you is intense and boiling cold. You are the backbone of DanPlan and yet you are given nothing for work that is worth our very _happiness._ It _pains us, physically,_ that we are unable to take any action but stew and contemplate and fume.

In the light of Jay’s video, we are astounded at how much you have suffered at the hands of someone who does not see your value and does not give you the respect and payment you deserve, because you deserve all of it and more.

We hope that you can find some way, _any way_ , to get _out._ You are valued and we appreciate you, and we are proud of you, more than you could possibly know, and you deserve better than this.

Please believe us. Hear us. You are loved. We love you. 

\----------

Dear Daniel,

Well?

What do you have to say for yourself?

Have you anything? Any scrap of reasonable defense? Or is it all just excuses and denials and _lies_? Is it all just _silence? Daniel?_

 _We_. Are your fans. We are your income. We are your audience and you, with _everyone in the DanPlan crew, including those you don’t see fit to even **pay properly**_ , have fostered our attention for years. And we are not simply devastated. We are not simply disappointed, or hurt.

We feel _betrayed._ We feel like we can’t trust you. We feel like - we _know -_ you don’t care about your channel as much as we care about it. And isn’t that just ironic? Caring, generous Dan - _truly_.

Who are you? We don’t know you. You’re supposed to be the leader. You are the one who took the reins and you are the one who crashed us down a ravine and into the very depths of ruin. Take responsibility and see what you need to change and _Yes, for God’s sake, Daniel, you_ ** _need to change._ **

How could you possibly turn something so beautiful and joyful - something that brings people genuine happiness, and has saved _lives_ , Daniel, **_lives._ ** How could you break it like this? Turn it bitter and harmful and sad? We are hurting. And yet, we cannot believe that you care.

Fix this. _Fix this, please._ You need to see what has happened. You need to recognize what has gone wrong, why it has gone wrong, and how you can change it. And if you need help with that - **take it.** Take the help. When people say “I am willing to sit down and have a conversation about why everything you’ve done is _wrong_ and we can make amends” then please, please believe them and listen to them take their offer.

 _Listen to them. You need to listen._ You aren’t listening. Because you can’t believe that you’re not right - can you?

We want to be wrong. We hope, desperately, that we are wrong about you. That you are capable of the humanity and kindness and morality that you weave into your videos so easily - that you portray yourself to have.

But if you never show that to us, if you never prove to us that you see why you have been harming everyone around you, then why should you have our respect?

You shouldn’t.

\----------

Candidly,

Us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to talk to me about this, comment or dm me on my Instagram: amarxllis.
> 
> I don't think we're going to hear a response from Dan, but by god, I want to. This has been absolutely horrifying to watch unfold. I've written this pretty angrily. Sorry for any mistakes, and thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written after daniel’s response.  
> For Jay.

Our esteemed Jay, 

Thank you. For everything. We are so proud of you, and Stephen, and everyone really.

We know you feel guilty. We know you’re stressed. You are frustrated and you have every right to be.

But do  _ not  _ blame yourself - you are not the one at fault here. You bear no responsibility for this tragedy - even had you been, as you say, smarter or more active. You tried to fix things! That’s more than most could say in this situation - you did the right thing. You investigated the situation, confronted Dan yourself, brought reasonable and logical arguments to the table.

We understand your anger - we are angry, too. Lies and deception will never fail to fool the sympathetic, even though you did your best to tell us everything that went on truthfully and honestly… Even though you tried to warn us, it is easy to believe pretty words and false tears. (Or are they genuine…? The eternal struggle of those not in-the-know, we suppose.) 

None of us want to believe this. Some of us won’t. Some of us do, and most of us are torn. We think we are all hurting. In some capacity, though definitely not to the same level as you, we are hurting together. Your proximity to this is certain to harm you much more than it is to us… but we hope you find solace in our presence and support.

Your fans are -  _ we  _ are worried. You told us yourself - a nosebleed, 5 days in a row? We already know your tendency to stay up late… Please don’t hurt yourself in such ways. We want you to put your health, mental and physical, whatever you can, above ours. You are important. We believe you. You are kind.

Take care of yourself, don’t stress too much. There has been time to worry and mourn. But now it is time to step forward, onward, starting anew with remnants of the past gathered in our arms and smiling, if tearfully, as we push ourselves to the future. We love you.

You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. There is hope - not for what we want, not for what we wish. But it is there. And it is bright.

Take Care,

Your Fans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It hurts a little still, but I think our fandom is moving on. We've all seemed a lot better recently. Since Daniel replied, I feel like it's been easier for us to start accepting what's happened and what likely will happen.
> 
> Despite everything everyone involved (directly or indirectly) has been through, I can look back on this and say, "It was a nice run."
> 
> We may not be able to confront the sources of our problems, but we can confront the problem inside ourselves. If you haven't already, it's time to start to heal.


	4. After The Fact: Close to the Sun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fact.
> 
> We're past this.

A Letter After The Fact.

Dear Everyone,

We’re so glad to see you - and ourselves - moving on. These past 3 or so months have been hectic to say the very least and the future has hovered in an ominous fog, clouding it details from our eyes, for quite a while.

Dan’s recent return, despite the sheer anger and frustration many have shown in times where this seemed… more important, we suppose, than it really was, has given us hope. It’s a little silly, now that we look back on it, how this consumed our lives for a month or so.

We don’t know all the answers. No one does, because humans are fickle, selfish creatures by nature alone - nothing to be ashamed of. There is no clarity here, there are only roughly sketched ‘sides’ and opinions. There are no answers, but we think we have  _ an  _ answer.

The DanPlan drama, we all agree, was painful. And that’s valid - friendships breaking and joy falling so suddenly is normal to be hurt from. But as we walk on, as we walk farther away, the distance changes our perspectives. It was painful, but it’s over now. It’s a thing of the past - it is small now.

There are better things for us if we can get past this whole  _ thing,  _ whether it be some form of drama that seems so insignificant from afar, yet even now still impacts your esteem and worth, or the cold, painful spikes that coronavirus has driven into our lives, or even just the existence of the year 2020.

We hold you above the clouds and you trust us to support you. But if there is even one person who decides to sharpen their knives and start something again, everything falls apart. (As we have seen, with Jay, whose absence is observed with unnerved eyes.) And just as we hold you up, you hold us in your hands and we trust you to remain steady. We both grow and we both shift and that’s okay - it’s okay to change.

We’re fans. It’s normal to want to choose our favorite. It’s normal to pick sides, but for those of us who can’t - we do truly care. About all of you - despite all the accusations that may or may not be true -, we do.

Just keep holding on, and we’ll be right there with you. 

And our answer is this: We don’t need all your responses and points of view. We don’t need all the explanations, we don't need all the proof. We no longer demand your explanations and regret, and nor do we want them.

Things are different. We have to face bigger issues, now. Let’s at least get this one thing down - we’re past it.

And it feels good to be past it.

From,

Everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought Dan posting a video again was an important milestone, so I decided to write here again. Stuff seems to be looking up, if only in this one part of our lives.
> 
> I hope everyone's doing well, with the 'rona and stuff. Stay safe out there, wear a face mask (but don't buy out the N95 masks - we still need our doctors healthy), wash your hands for 20 seconds with soap and water, don't touch your face with unwashed hands, make sure your stuff is sanitary, etc etc.
> 
> Oh, by the way, the only reason this chapter is called "Close To The Sun" is because Dan used Close To The Sun by TheFatRat as his outro for his video, and I listened to it while writing this.   
> This also took literally like 20 minutes to write and it's kinda trash but at least I'm writing anything I guess?
> 
> This thing is officially over. I know it's always said like, 1/1 chapters, but then it just kept growing and stuff so. This is the *actual* end. Unless AOP or DP decides to start something again, I'm officially not posting here again LOL
> 
> aight we out bye

**Author's Note:**

> This was completely self-indulgent.
> 
> In my personal opinion (which no one really asked for, I know) Daniel was a complete asshole and a bad leader - but we haven't really heard from him yet, either, so I'm giving him a chance to get his thoughts straight and explain himself.
> 
> I somehow feel like this whole thing was inevitable, even if in another timeline it was to a way smaller scale and dealt with in a better and more satisfying way for all parties involved. Yeah, Stephen's vid made me cry a lot and I'm a drama queen so... 
> 
> Remember - anything you want to add, comment or DM me on my instagram '_.amarxllis' and I'll add it in
> 
> Thank you for being here.


End file.
